How to Become More Inclusive and Use Non-Binary Pronouns

by D'Arcy Benincosa

In my effort to become more inclusive in my life and business, I reached out to Youtube star Celeste Monsour to educate me on non-binary they/them pronouns. I wanted to let you in on this conversation because Celeste’s wealth of knowledge and experiences is so worth being shared so that we can all be better at making EVERYONE feel comfortable and accepted. Hit play if you’re also open-minded and striving to be more inclusive!

About Celeste:

Celeste Monsour is a trans YouTuber and activist who makes personal and educational videos about their experiences as an aromantic asexual nonbinary person. Through telling their own story and documenting their transition, Celeste aims to serve as a resource for others on similar paths and for allies simply seeking to understand. Off camera, Celeste is an insatiably curious multicreative who has been a writer, blog editor, podcaster, photographer, cosplayer, web designer, and performer, currently on a journey to figure out what’s next.

Each person on their journey in life (yes, even YOU) gets to decide who they are, and how to express themselves. What we get to do in return is respect, love, be open-minded to evolution, and honor the preferences of the people around us. Below I’ve outlined what YOU need to know about non-binary they/them pronouns and inclusivity as told by Celeste. You can get ALL the details in the episode!

What you need to know about Non-Binary They/Them Pronouns:

Non-Binary:

Having a gender that is not exclusively male or female. It is not like a third gender. Non-binary is an umbrella term that encompasses a lot of different experiences and identities.

Gender-Fluid:

Sometimes they feel male, sometimes they feel female.

A lot of people start identifying as non-binary when they start understanding the framework around it. It is becoming more common for people to identify as non-binary, the more it is talked about and brought to light.
Non-binary individuals often find it more comfortable to be referred to as they/them, rather than she/he/him/her. It feels less like they are being put into a box that they don’t fit into.
They/them is not to replace the other pronouns, it’s just an additional option to allows more inclusivity of other people’s experiences.
It is not going to always be obvious that someone is non-binary, so it’s always best to assume non-binary (or better yet, ask!) until you know otherwise.
We have an implicit habit to place a gender on people based on how they look or sound. We pick up these cues in our culture (long hair being the most common female gender cue). It comes down to re-training your brain to not do that.
The best way to combat the instinct to place a specific identity on someone is just becoming more aware.

The History and Grammar Behind They/Them Pronouns:

Non-Binary pronouns have been around for hundreds of years, but have just recently become more mainstream.

They and them have been taught in school to be plural, and he/she have been used as singular.

They/them are more typically used as gender-neutral pronouns in the singular form when someone is speaking about someone that they don’t know anything about. For example: “Somebody must have left their pen here. They should come back and get it”

These grammatical “rules” we are taught in school are part of our implicit language and can be difficult habits to break, but they/them can also be used to refer to an individual who does not identify as he or she.

How to Become More Inclusive and Supportive of Non-Binary Individuals:

Ask pronouns on questionnaires for your business
Note your pronouns on all your profiles
Never assume someone’s gender or pronoun preference based on their appearance
Use they/them unless you know for sure what someone’s preference is.
Be willing to mess up. The act of trying and messing up is better than not trying at all.